Day 7 - Cuba Lagi... Tapi...

Hi blog... Its sunday already... Lama nya rs nk lps smggu ni... Br smggu, mcm mna la nk lps 2 tahun ni? Huuuu tp dlm smggu ni pon da mcm2 perkara jd..lps 2 tahun mcm mna agak nya ek? =_=

Blog.. Ari ni sy mandi ujan... Ari ni sy rs maraaaaaaaaahhhhh sgt... Sangat.. SANGAT! Sejuta sgt! Tp sy xle nk lpskn marah tu..tp sy x bole nanges jgk.. Sakit nya kt dlm ni... Mcm mna ni blog? Huuuuuuu

Ari ni sy cuba lg skali.. Tp mcm sama jgk.. Xde perubahan pon.. T_T mcm makin truk je ade la.. Da tahap kritikal da ni.. Mcm retak menanti belah..or berderai trus.. Huuuu

Sy kna pasrah.. Kuat utk amek tindakan..xde ms nk mmbazir lg.. Ckup la 3 bln ni mmbazir.. mmbuang ms kejar..sakitkn diri bertahan..ketepiknkn ego utk selamatkn..walau harga diri di rendah2 kn..cukup la.. Hubungan 3 tahun x mampu menewaskn hubungan 3 bulan..
Wahai hati, bersabar ye.. Kita kna kuat.. Sekuat yg boleh! We dont deserve to be hurt like this... Bertahan ye hati...

Saya mengalah...

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Ok kisah ari ni plop.. Ari ni ari ahad..hehe g groceries.. Bapak la rmai org.. Mmg org oz suping brg daponari ahad ptg ke? Xnk da dtg weekend..ramai gilaaaaaa... Barang abes lg.. Huu tp td dpt la tangkap mna yg patut.. Jus, susu pekat, sayo, buah lg, n file skola...Kna jimat ni.. Bln ni da byk spend..huu winter ni kn nk jln lg.. Hee cant wait ;p

Sok da nk stat skola.. Huu cuak! *tp masih x tido lg time ni malah masih d dlm bath tub* =_=" ape ke pesen ni..kn nk blaja sungguh2 sem ni.. Kn nk blk cpt.. Dehhh kamon! Kamon! Jap g kna g kmas beg utk sok.. Nati lewat sok pg.. Da la uma da jauh dr skola..jln makin byk le.. Bole kurus nih..Tp bus dkt..hahaha penimbng kt uma ni mcm bole jd besfren kite..dia kate org da 47kg? Bia btol..amek ati la tu..hee bgz2.. Haha

Eyh blog, lps sok mgkn sy x smpt nk update ari2 da.. Nk kna sibukkn diri la plop.. Xde la ade ms sgt nati nk busux2 da.. Sorry ye blog.. Tp sy akan dtg sni every once in a while klo ade cite bes ye.. Dont worry.. Sy xkn lupakn yg ada ngn sy... Doakn sy ye..smg sy mampu nk harungi sume ni..smg yg terjadi adalah yg terbaik.. Smg dipermudahkn segala urusan.. Smg diberi kejayaan...Aminnnn..

"Lindungi kesedihan dengan senyuman meskipun dihati penuh kedukaan, kerana itu menunjukkan adanya perasaan ."

Day 6 - Penat

Hi blog ku... Hee pecaya x sy menaip ni dlm bath tub? Heeee *malu*

Today kn i bgn awal..haha xde la awal sgt tp awal gigih jgk la sbb nk g pasa..niat nye nk beli ikan tp tgk2 ikan mahal nk mampos! Udang ngn sotong ponnsama..huhu so amek sekonyg keciiiikkkkk je potong2 small..haha beli fruits..mango 4bijik, oren 3 bijik, ngannnn ape ye? Err x igt dah..tp abes dlm $20 jgk la td.. Haaa beli honey cream..bole buat air lemon..hee tp lemon x beli plop lg..dehhh... Patu kami nk cpt2 blk sbb kusi ikea nk sampaaaaiiii!! Yeay!

Smp2 uma tu, org ikea tu da ltk dpn pintu uma siap2 sbb kami lmbt..hehe tp ok la sbb klo kami nk ngangkat meja tu berat nk mampos kot..*anak dara mna bole angkat berat2*..hee so igt kn nk pasang kusi trus tp g naik katil trus tido..sdar2 da kol 2..gile kental tido..haha bgn2 je trus nk g pasang kusi..gigih2.. Seb baek la manual sng paham so kjap je da siaaaaappppp... Yeay! Ni ha gmb kusi sedaaaaaapppp...so after this no excuse x le buat kja! Tp meja x syok plop..huhu tp yg pntg kusi bes! Hee

Lps tu igt nk g angkut brg..ttb org kete tu bole plop g melancung ke ikea plop..dehhhhhh..tepaksa la pnjm keta dak laen..2 trip jgk la..sbb x retibsusun mcm dlu utk 1 trip..n td bwk 3 org so x bole la 1 trip.. Tp alhamdulillah la tuan rumah ajak mkn..langkah knn btol.. Ada brownies, mash potato ngn mac n cheese..hee maklum la anak2 yg mmbesar d obesi ni mmg menu nye western sket..klo dtg uma kami mmg nasi je..haha so pas maghrb br smp uma... Smyg2 dlu br la punggah bukak kotak.. Byk gilaaaaaaa brg sbenanya..huuu susun2 la mna bole, yg lbh tu anta garaj je la.. Xmuat da rumah..dehhh... Tp x slesai lg tu..ade sket lg.. Ttb stress trus masuk bath tub berendam..huuu lg pon ari ni x mandi lg sbenanya...hahahahahaha jap lg smbg kemas...

Ergghhh lupa plop td igt nk masak daging tp da lewat ni lupakn je la nmpknye... Lately mmg xbyk rezeki mkn.. Tau x keadaan bila ttb risau, gelisah, x tenang tu dtg, kt dlm perut n dada tu rs smacam n rs nk muntah...suma mknn pon xle bau ape lg nk mkn..huu mcm ni ke yg org dok kata " makan x lalu, mandi x basah" tu? *sbb ttb air jd kurang plop dlm bath tub ni* hahaha baru ku tahu...

Rajin kn sy update blog lately? Mgkn sbb sy da xde tmpt utk sy ceritakn kisah harian sy skrg.. Xde sapa nk dgr da..jd sy cerita kn pd blog... Sorry ye blog dulu sy lupakn awak..skrg sy xnk lupa da.. Yg ada ngn sy je yg sy ada ...sy xkn lupa da..insyaallah..

"Hati yang terluka umpama besi bengkok walau diketuk sukar kembali kepada bentuk asalnya"

Sekali lg air mata jatuh

Hi blog...

"Sy perlukn awak skrg... Will u b there for me?"

Blog... Smp bila sy nk kna cm ni? Mkin lama rsnya hati sy ni da makin hancur da... Masih x paham2 lg ke? Suma sy da buat.. Mcm2 sy da cuba..byk da sy ckp.. tp masih sama..sy da penat blog... Btol2 penat... Perlu ke buat 'perkara terakhir' tu? Its sooooo stupid! I am being stupid rite now...

Tiada lg kasih sayang...
Tiada lg gelak tawa...
Tiada lg kemesraan...
Tiada lg kerinduan...
Hanya tinggal air mata...

Sy btol2 x paham... "how can u love 2 person at the same time?" Ignore 1 person, care for the other person.. Let one person suffer alone, and be there for the other one.. Saying u love the person, but still need the other one..saying u cant live without that one person, but still leave them for the other.. lie to both of them.. And the best part is, you dont think what u did was wrong! Oh God...

Which 1 should i trust? Do i hv anything more to trust? U dont even try to get it back pon... So how can i trust u back? Y should i? A relationship without trust is nothing... Loyal, Trust, honest.. Do u still hv that? Oh God...

Mgkn silap sy, terlebih mmberi sayang...smp dia rs selamat utk mendua..mgkn dia sangka sy akn sntiasa ada..sy xmgkn tgglkn dia.. Betol ka? Yakin ke? sy x bekuat yg kamu nmpk..bila2 ms sy bole hancur, broken into pieces, and by that time, u wont see me anymore...

Sekali lg air mata jatuh...

"Sekali aku benar2 pergi, x mungkin aku kembali..."

Day 5 - its Friday

Happy friday dear blog... Knapa lmbt sgt ye taun ni nk grak =_=

Blogggg~ blooogggggggg~ awk ade bahu x? Nk pnjam jap nk nanges kuat2... T_T
Tau x cm ne rsnye nye bila xmampu nk marah bila rs marah? Bila xmampu nk menjerit bila rs tertekan? Bila terpaksa menahan air mata dr jatuh bila tangisan dah hampir mencurah? Sakit! T_T

Smlm try mnum nescafe gold tu..patu trus xle tido..haha stay dpn tv tggu2 cite best tp x kua2..nk dkt kol4 br masuk bilik tp da azan da..guling2 x le tito jgk..dehhhhh insomnia dtg lg...huuuu ari ni bekpes pisang je..tu pon perut da rs smacam nk bluwek..huu badan dak stat suam2 da ni..mata da panas2..pening jgk da nk bertandang mlm2 ni.. Huuu *klo nk dmm,sila la dmm skrg* huuuuu

Ok ok ape jd ari ni? Pg2 da grak kua ngn bdk ni menuju IKEA.. Sy mls nk search translink so ikot je la dorg.. 4bus br nk smp destinasi..tu nsb baek bus cpt ontime so xde la rs lama sgt.. Smp2 je cun2 je br bukak n x ramai org..rmai warga emas dtg brekpes.. Ikea sni ngn ikea msia lbh kurang je tgk..circulation, barang, menu, cm lbh kurang la.. Harga je la yg laen..dlm jln2 tu, niatnye nk usha kusi utk meja stdy je..tp terlalu plop kt brg2 laen so TERcapai la jgk bbrp brg yg xbrapa nk perlu..cnthnye lilin wangi -_-" mmg wangi tp x perlu pon tp ni sume salah dtg ms emosi x brapa stabil..kn da berbelanja benda pelik2..huhu kusi tu? Kusi yg d idam2 kn tu kehabisan stok T_T huuuu maka terpaksa la angkat yg mahal sket..huuu x pnah2 nk beli brg mahal, ari ni da gila maen angkat je..huhu x igt da budget bulanan nye da nyawa2 ikan..huuuu pas byr2 sume, kami g dok2 kt kafe..kwn ni lapa plop..tgk menu ade meatball tp ofkos la xle mkn kn..huu *ari tu x smpt g mkn meatball kt msia* so sy try la salt n pepper squid..ngn vegy.. Huhu tp br nk mkn 1 ketul, perut da kata NO! Trus stop.. Xbole nk masuk la.. Fish n chip dorg pon x rs.. Huu mnum air kosong je la... Kesian sy.. Huhu nk blk plop konon2 nye nk ikot route laen la, tp last2 sama ja kna 4 bus jgk..hahaha laluan mmg laen la tp..dpt la tgk kwsn laen jgk..nasib baek x panas ari ni..weather sdap2 je berangin.. Hee *weather je la yg sdap berangin* smp2 uma trus baring kt kusi..pnat.. Osmet ni trus2 nk pasang kusi dia, ngn brg2 dia beli..byk jgk la smp pnuh 2 beg ikea tu.. Huhu kusi sy? Esok br smp..berat sgt x larat nk angkat nek bus..huhu esok sy tnjk ye..

Basically tu je la ektibiti ari ni..mlm ni xtau lg nk masak ape..slere x dtg lg..klo dlu ade jgk org jauh kita bole nk tnya2 idea nk mkn ape..skrg kna pk sndr da..huu osmet ni masak tomyam plop bau da menerawang ke dlm bilik ni..huhu mlm ni tgk tv je la kot.. *barang x angkut lg niiii* adehhhh kete asik x available je..huu ape la nasib..

Eyh ari ni Jumaat la..Setaun lps, ari ni la Ari yg plg di tggu2..tp skrg xtau la... Xde ape makne da kot..da ada yg laen yg lbh seronok... Ok

"Nothing hurts more than being disappointed by the single person that you thought would never hurt you."

K

K...
Pegi la...
We r not that important i guess...
Aku je beriye sorg...
Sudah la...
Bosan
Penat
Letih

Day 4 - Scared

Hi blog... Its already day 4... *br day 4??????* erkkk

Ari ni mula2 mls g mna2..tp terikut dak ni g school plop ade March introduction.. Tp seb baek jgk la g kn sbb ada introduction utk design topic.. Huhu here comes the scary part.. DESIGN TOPIC!! Huuuuuu susaaaaa nyaaaaaaa...huuuu *nanges* ada 3 topic for this sem kna pilih ikot urutan nk yg mna..ptg td jgk kna send.. Huu kami pon dok bincang2 la ape sbenanye pasal topic tu..huu sume pon sounds susa..huu mntk doa byk2 n ikot kata hati je..huu hopefully dpt la topik yg dipilih tu..sok br tau..aminnn

Bkn design je yg menakutkn.. Tech pon sama..masuk2 td tgk lectrr sengal tu ngah ckp psl tech 1..duuhhhhhhh stress trus start *sakit kepala smp skrg nih!* knapa la dia masih ade sni..xde org nk buang dia kja ke? Tlg laaaaaaaa...huuuu

Risau | takot | cuak is officially started! Huuu T_T cepat la berlalu wahai 2013... Pwetty pleaseeeeeeeeee

Smlm mmp agak baguz.. Something ive been hoping for tp x pnah jd d dunia realiti..tp tuhan jdkn dlm mmp plop..bole la.. At least it makes me smile for a little time.. Ermm sometimes i wonder if my dreams even have any meaning..i mean petunjuk utk sesuatu or just something i want deep down in my heart... *smp terbawa2 dlm mmp* huu keliru... Mimpi tayangkan keindahan, tp realiti tidak seperti yg di idam kan... Sungguh KELIRU!

JUJUR! JUJUR! JUJUR! Sy di ajar dlm setiap perkara dlm hidup ni, kita perlu jujur.. Walau kenyataan nye pahit, kejujuran bole beri sedikit penawar... Kalau rajuk dgn kenyataan, dgn jujur dpt memujuk... Huhu tp malangnya bukan sume org berani utk berlaku jujur... Bila dtg saat mereka perlu mmberi sedikit kebenaran dgn kejujuran, ketakutan lbh menguasai, lalu kebohongan lah yg menang.. Rugi.. Rugi... Keberanian utk jujur tu dtg dr hati... Kebohongan jg dtg dr hati... Semua bermula dr hati.. Hati... Hati... "Orang yang sengaja menyorokkan kebenaran adalah orang yang lemah." - Hamka


"I don't want perfection, i want honesty."

Day 3 - Market Day

Gudday blog! Hee ari ni mlm br update story..siang td sibuk bejalan.. ;)

Ok.. Kita start ngn smbgn kisah smlm.. Smlm buat ape ye? Ermmmm dok uma seharian! Hahaha aah mmg x kua umah pon smlm.. Mkn pon masak sup ayam ngn sayo je.. Dok ngadap tv seharian.. Br tau ade cite best siang2 kt tv.. Smlm tgk cite friends patu charmed patu parenthood patu ape tah lg.. Cite yg lama2 la tp bes jgk.. Mlm plop ade sex n the city.. Best! Best! Just mlm je x brapa best.. A bit fragile.. ;(

Ari ni ada market day kat uni.. Ousmet ni la beriye nk g so bwk la dia jln tawaf booth yg sgt byk.. Sume dia nk tgk..siap sign up lg.. Bgz btol..sy? Hahaha xpe la..sy sayang 5$..hahah so g kutip free gifts je la.. Sanggup tu beratur dlm ujan semata nk g pancing itik utk dpt adiah earphone n botol air..hahah ngn beratur sejam utk dpt tshirt saiz besa.. Klo ikotkn sndr mmg mls la..dah kene heret tepaksa la pegi.. Dpt byk jgk air sample..ade brand baru : kakao.. Belum try lg..nati da try kita update ye..

Lama gila jln kt market day td..nk dkt asar br blk...solat, patu g city plop g market kt city sbb nk beli fruits.. Tp sbb da kol 5 lbh so byk da ttup..tp smpt la dpt bawang sket, ngn pisang ngn nectarine sket.. Bole la.. Patu g reject shop, konon2 nk cr sabun mandi tp last2 g beli bekas sugar yg xtau berbaloi ke x, ngn nescafe gold $10 bekas besa.. Xde la perlu sgt tp teliur..hahah akhirnye byk jgk la spend..huhu kna mula bejimat blk ni..kmpul duit byk2 kt sni, bwk blk, kali 3 dah, bole kawen trus! Hahahahahha

Ckp pasal kawen ni, bkn nye ade tarikh lg pon.. Berangan sndr2 je.. Klo xjd kawen, kita travel la kn..beli rumah ke, kete br ke.. G umrah ke.. Pastu bila da bole kawen, da abes duit..hahaha *u're too late!* haha sbenanya klo ikotkn blk ari tu, ckup je duit klo nk buat majlis tunang..tp dtg halangan n masalah yg x disangka2 plop..so spend je la duit tu sume utk terapi hati ke barang sndr.. Dr dlm akaun ade riban, seda2 tggl 200 je..hahaha sedap je kn bila bayar ulur kad, mcm dlm kad tu duit x kn abes..haha lps ni xyah da besungguh sgt nk smpn duit utk kawen..smpn utk diri sndr je sng..xde la kecewe sgt nati.. =_=

Perasaan x sdap ati plop makin menular.. Benci gila dgn this feeling! I am being insecure! Sapa suka kn? Rs benci ngn diri sndr sbb ade perasaan cm tu..tp cant help it.. Cmne? Trust issues mmg susah nk settle.. Once u lose somebody's trust, it will take a lot to get it back.. A simple sorry just wont work.. I may act like everything is fine, but deep down i still wondering if this is real, or just another lie? Tp sy ni bkn nye jenis reti cover2 klo hati x tenang.. Mest akan effect raut muka, conversations, n feelings dan juga rutin harian akan terjejas.. Bahaya skrg ni klo masih berterusan dgn feeling mcm ni..klas nk start da..huuuuu T_T Adeh la.. Klo la hati ni ade button 'delete' or 'ignore' or 'pause' or 'forward' or any button yg can make me off this issue.. Letih


"You're not perfect, but you're all i want"

Brisbane 2013 - Day 2

Hi again blog! Its day 2 already tp rasa mcm da lama je.. Y la time fly so slow? Huhu

So what r we gonna do today? Plan nya nk g ngangkat barang tp xde kete sewe plop..so xle la nk amek barang lg.. Dah la brg mknn byk kt stu..huhu mcm mna nk masak? Smlm sbb mls masak g beli nandos..mentang2 la kedai da dekat..bahaya2.. Kna start memasak blk ni.. Huu

Smlm g amek barang sikit..mlm td jgk unpack n masuk almari.. Mcm da penuh gila je.. Adehh mmg kna beli tmpt sangkut baju lg la nmpknye.. Meja study still x put together lg..hahah tp da bejaya bwk kua dr bilik..so bilik dah ok..hee

Bag yg tetinggal tu br je smp pg td.. Naseb baek la kastam x amek ape2 dlm tu.. Sbb ade selai bj 'busux' dlm tu..hee ;p nk unpack bag tu pon 1 kja lg.. Xckup space plop..adehh.. Almati taun ni kecik patu kna share plop tu.. Huhu cabaran taun ni: organise things in small space!

Ermm dlm byk2 good things, masih ada few not-so-good things.. 2 mlm tido sni, mmp x bagus je.. Knapa ye? "Kamu selalu pergi.. Tp kamu akhirnya selalu kembali.." Y you have to go? Because I dont want u to go..i want u here with me.. Huhuu mana la hati ni x risau kn.. I dont know what happen over there..all i can do is ask..but I will never know if u lied.. Of kos i want to trust u, but i think it will take some times after what happened.. So i hope YOU can be patient with me.. I may ask a lot of ridiculous-stupid-out of mind question, but please know that i really care..all i want is for u to be honest..

"jaga hati kamu utk aku"

Brisbane 2013 - Day 1

Morning blog.. *eyh actually x morning mana dah kat sni.. Hehe*

Today is my first day back in Brisbane after 3 months of holiday.. S far masih di atas katil..haha
Smlm smp2 di epot dah x brapa baik nasib nye.. Not a good start la.. Dlm tren mabuk trum smlm..eyh ape nek tren plop, flight laaa..bengong! try mkn omelet sbb nasi lemak da pnah try dlu..flight goyang2 truk smp bepeluh2 badan padahal ekon.. Muntah kua sume..huhu patu Beg 1 x dpt naek kapal so ari ni br beg naek kapal n sok br smp.. Then cable hp charger lupa letak mana so tipon da mati terputus hubungan lansung.. Seb baek la ipad ni ada.. Huhu patu konon2 nya nk kemas bilik trus la kn..dok angkat2 meja ttb kaki meja sume runtuh..haha very funny.. Patu dok sdap2 berendam dlm bath tub, tipon plop nk terjun sama.. Adeh laaa... Seb baek la masih berfungsi.cuak jgk kjap tipon bila x kua bunyi.. Huhu ape la dugaan di mlm pertama blk ni...

So ari ni new start! Tp masih d katil..hahah xpe2 ari ni igt nk angkat barang tp kete xde plop.. So kita g beli groceries la dlu.. Ngidam macam2 da ni..haha coffee susu! N breakfast la..nk tggu herbalife bln dpn br smp..huhu nk g beli ayam jgk tp nk kna tggu bdk siti ni blk dlu la kot.. Bwk di dia skali.. Lama da x jln sni, kot2 lupa..haha lama la sgt...

Tp kali ni blk mmg laen rasa.. Xse excited dlu.. I dont feels like being here anymore.. So perlu belajar btol2.. Lulus, blk! +kawen...hahahahahahhaha

Doakn saya ye...

"We should take a break"

"I think we should take a break... Klo ade jodoh nati kita jmp lg"

Terasa darah menerjah ke muka, dada dihempap sebeban, anggota menggeletar x tentu arah... Jiwa kosong hilang tah ke mana...

Honestly, i dont expect this to happen.. I tot he will fight for it.. Denied all the stupid things i said.. Tell me "everything will be fine"... Tapi... He just walk away... And proved that he rather sacrifice our relationship than trying to make things right for us...

It is sooooooo hard... Trying to forget him and everything he said.. Trying my best not to talk about him anymore... Teaching myself not to depend on him on anything anymore.. Not to wanting him to be around.. Not to text him when i feel so lonely or even reading his old text.. Errrgggghhhhhh only God knows how hard i tried to put a smile all day in front of everybody.. Hold my tears.. Aarrrgghhhh!!

Please dont come back... Its hurt...